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« Jr. Trader

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I Ain't Callin' Her a Gold Digger...

Advice for a trader who's smarting from an expensive vacation with an
unappreciative girlfriend

Dear Dr. Cass:

I recently returned from a one-week, "romantic" vacation in Aruba with
a woman that I've been dating for three months. She's absolutely gorgeous
and I definitely would describe her as very high maintenance.

Things were pretty good with us before the trip, though she never
really understood what I put up with on a daily basis as a hedge-fund
trader. Anyway, I spent a fortune on her between staying at the Radisson
hotel and eating at the best restaurants in the area. Money is not an
issue for me. I was really into this woman and I thought that she was into
me before the trip.

However, I felt she was not appreciative of me taking her away and,
during the trip, she rejected every idea I had, even when I offered to
take her for a walk down the beach! The best part was that she came on the
trip with no money and, when she tried to buy a new bag, both her debit
and credit cards were denied, leaving me with the bill.

She became cold and aloof and spent more time text-messaging her
friends in New York City than she did talking to me. I might as well have
gone by myself. So I'm back from the trip and I think the move is to let
this woman go, but I'm not sure. What happened to her on this trip? Should
I give her another chance?

- Bitter and Out $4,000

Dear Bitter and Out $4,000:

I'm sorry to hear about your lost fortune and your missed opportunity
at a romantic getaway. She does sound like a piece of work.

Many men have been burned by taking away a girlfriend too prematurely
in the relationship. One-week vacations can make or break a relationship,
and it appears this experience achieved the latter. It sounds like you
were having some communication difficulties even before you left, namely
the fact that she didn't understand the stresses of your job.

Kudos for taking the initiative in asking to take a walk on the beach
and for being strong enough to stomach paying for her new bag when her
cards were denied. If she was appreciative and you were able to have some
fun as a result, then it was a good idea. If not, you were probably the
victim of her looks. If these passive-aggressive and unappreciative
behaviors were noticeable early in the trip, you should have told her to
improve her attitude or you would be happy to pay for her cab and put her
on the next flight back to New York. You can't be a pushover!

This was your time to relax and get away from all of the chaos. You
certainly don't want to be with someone who sounds like she needs a new
bag to boost her mood. If you want the honest truth, this woman probably
wanted a vacation. More than likely, she isn't your soul mate or the
mother of your children, and I doubt she has any intention of giving you
anything that is important to you. She existed on the trip like she was
entitled to do things her way, and this is what you get for going with
high maintenance. I hope, for your sake, that the sex was at least good.

Sorry, buddy, I would cut my losses and get out! - Dr.
Cass

Dr. Alden M. Cass, President of Catalyst Strategies Group, is a
licensed clinical psychologist who works with traders and risk managers to
help them achieve financial, corporate, and personal goals. See full profile, or
visit his website, http://www.catsg.com/

alden cass

2/20/06

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